FoR MoM

Last night was one of those nights.  I think I've only spent the night away from Mitchell three times since we've been married and I can tell you, it is definitely something I struggle with.  I guess this is good practice for me since I knew what I was getting myself into when I decided to marry a pilot.  There's a good chance, once he starts flying, I'll be spending the night alone 3-4 nights a week and possibly weeks at a time. 

It was around midnight that I was laying under the covers missing him and his comforting arms around me.  I started holding Clairabell, my childhood stuffed animal, to help me try and feel less insecure.  She still has the dirty grass stains from when I would drag her outside on our wildlife adventures, and a snag next to her left leg from the pillow fights I got into with my brothers.  She used to soak up all my tears on my rough days, and all my secrets from birthday sleep overs.  As I held her late last night, I closed my eyes tightly to try and take away the ache and loneliness in my chest.  Then something happened....

My mom started playing the piano down stairs.  As the notes trickled in through the crack of my bedroom door, my soul was filled with comfort and warmth.

As my eyes remained shut, I traveled.  And it wasn't just in my head, it felt so real, like I literally shifted to a new location.

I was seven years old again, curled up in my old water bed, still holding onto Clairabell, listening to mom's music put me to sleep, like it did every night during my childhood.

As she played all my familiar lullabies, I danced through my dreams without a care or worry in the world.

I love my mom's music.  And it's not because of the piano, nor is it the sheet music itself.  It's my mom.  Her beautiful hands tell a story as she plays and you can always listen closely and be able to hear "her" in the song.  You could play me 50 recording of the exact same music piece, and with no hesitation, I swear I could point out which one was played by my mom just by listening to it.  You can hear her love and passion for the melody throughout every measure.

Last night I realized how unimaginably lucky and fortunate I've been growing up having her talent right there in the next room my whole life.  Every night I had taken those songs for granted until I finally experienced living without it.

I quit taking piano lessons in 7th grade and realized/decided now, I'm gonna get better again!  I want to share this joy with my children and give them the chance to have what I had and give them the comfort and safety every night that my mother gave me.

I'm gonna start playing again!  Thank you so much, mom, for what you have given me.