PaTiEnCe

Even as a child, patience was never one of my strengths.  Every November 24th, I would stay up all night and stare at the clock.... 11:57..... 11:58..... 11:59...... IT’S MY BIRTHDAY!  I always wanted to be a little older so I could graduate to the next primary class at church, to be a little taller so I could reach above the refrigerator, or a little faster so I could play tag with my older brother’s friends. 

It wasn’t until the summer that I was about 12 years old, when I laid back and soaked up the sun in the drifting canoe at Paulina Lake with my friends Courtney and Katie, that I started genuinely focusing on my future, when I became indescribably impatient about growing up.  We talked about where we’ll go to college, what our boyfriends or husbands would be like, how successful our careers would be, and how many children we would each have.  I will never forget how much that day impacted me.  My mind frame never changed after that.  From then on, I was always daydreaming and focusing on the future.  I could entertain myself for hours cutting up magazines of houses I wanted to live in someday, and dumping out my colored pencils to draw pictures of the different family portraits I planned on taking. 

I thought I’d get better after my first year of college, then hoped I’d snap out of it after my wedding day, but here I am, still constantly imagining the future and now picturing being a mom.  I can imagine  a wild, little boy (a clone of Mitchell when he was a kid) screaming, running around the house, and crashing into walls.  Ha ha!  I love it.  I look through old story books from when I was little and picture cuddling up to a little girl every night and reading to her before she falls asleep.  Poor Mitch, even when we go to the store, I tell him I’ll meet him in the electronic section after I go through the baby clothes and pick out the outfits I would purchase if I had a kid to dress them in.

I was just reading a talk on Motherhood by Karla Gaines.  She mentions her mother once telling her, “Cherish these moments, sweetheart. Remember, there’s a time and season for all things. Enjoy each season while it’s here, for it will leave all too quickly.”

(http://lds.org/ensign/1992/03/motherhood-expectations-and-lessons?lang=eng&query=motherhood)

One of my songs on this blog is a great example of this, and something I know, I know I need to work on....

You’re Gonna Miss This

Trace Adkins

She was staring out the window

Of their SUV

Complaining, saying,

I cant wait to turn 18

She said, "I'll make my own money"

And I'll make my own rules"

Mama put the car in park

Out there in front of the school

And she kissed her head

And said 'I was just like you"

You're going to miss this

You're going to want this back

You're going to wish these days

Hadn't gone by so fast

These are some good times

So take a good look around

You may not know it now

But you're going to miss this

Before she knows it

She's a brand new bride

In her one bedroom apartment

And her daddy stops by

He tells her "It's a nice place"

She says "It'll do for now"

Starts talking about babies

And buying a house

Daddy shakes his head

And says "Baby just slow down"

‘Cause

You're going to miss this

You're going to want this back

You're going to wish these days

Hadn't gone by so fast

These are some good times

So take a good look around

You may not know it now

But you're going to miss this

Five years later

There's a plumber

Working on the water heater

Dogs barking, phones ringing

One kids crying, one kids screaming

She keeps apologizing

He says "They don't bother me.

I've got two babies of my own.

One's 36, one's 23.

It's hard to believe..."

But

You're going to miss this

You're going to want this back

You're going to wish these days

Hadn't gone by so fast

These are some good times

So take a good look around

You may not know it now

But you're going to miss this

You're going to miss this

Yeah you're going to miss this 

UGH!  I’m so impatient.  I have such a wonderful, wonderful life!  And I am so grateful for it!  And because of this, I really need to learn to focus on NOW and not worry about the future so much.  I have all this time with just me and Mitchell, and he is seriously my best friend.  We have so much fun together and nothing/nobody to worry about but eachother.  Our love has grown so much over the last 3 years and everyday, when I think there’s no way I could possibly be more in love with him, I pleasantly surprise myself :)